Title: Bring your lamplight to my door Fandom: Original -> Supernatural -> Vampires
Characters: entirely invented by me. Do.Not.Copy.
Genres: horror, historical, splatter, erotic
Rating: red.
Summary: First place in the contest "Bittersweet", organized by the Collection of Starlight
Seville at night in the midst of a storm, people do not leaves the house. If he does, eventually, inevitably, or to die or to kill. In both cases, would lose something, but I assure you, from personal experience, that you live without a conscience, even, but without a life ... Oh. I see very difficult.
Notes:
- The title is inspired by a song by Eskimo Joe, Thunder clamp.
- The story is set in Seville in 1160 about the golden age of the city, which became the capital, where the Arab presence was massive.
- sfarzosissima the Alcazar, the castle of the lords of time, which hath a patio called the maidens, as it is told-with-reliable sources that many Christian women were taken there and then raped. The
- compbelli magnolia is one of the few plants that bloom in winter, is a typical Himalayan plant, but I imagined that the Arabs, having gone a bit 'all over the world had been able to import it into their magnificent gardens.
- The greeting given in the text is a translation of the classic Arabic greeting. Lamia
- name means beautiful lips, lip color, but in the Arab-Latin, Lamia, was called as a demonic women who was said to suck blood to live. The presence
- Judas at the Last Supper is uncertain, but I preferred to imagine that were the case, as in Luke it is written.
- The sentences handed down by the girl are taken directly from the ecumenical ceremony, but please extrapolate from that context and need to consider them as pure literature.
- The characters belong to me more or total. I know that does not find them around, but for safety reasons: NO. Use it.
- not know how, I do not know why but this story has been ranked first in the Bittersweet contest, organized by Collection of starlight.
Seville at night in the midst of a storm, people do not leave the house. If he does, eventually, inevitably, or to die or to kill. In both cases, would lose something, but I assure you, from personal experience, that you live without a conscience, even, but without a life ... Oh. I see very difficult.
walking on the streets quickly: the floor in a herringbone pattern was distinguished only by the few rays that could escape from the moon and through the blanket of clouds, the alternation of black and white created a cheerful two-tone, which at that moment I seemed to collide with the atmosphere.
from the houses they felt grunts of men, the light of children snore, pants, muffled cries, curses. And all in a mixture of languages that made me smile.
I did not understand half the words, and yet I see the intrinsic meaning. How to observe a person dumb rage, I picked up their emotions from the tone, the hiss of their consonants.
I passed the harbor of wood chipped, lowered the shutters of the shops and followed by the smell that reminded me of nights.
The fragrance of magnolias in bloom I was literally carrying, ran my tongue over and cut my canines. From the small wound left a drop, a single drop, which now, suddenly, I swallowed.
I was thirsty and I needed to feed soon.
I stopped in the middle of the square, wrap in a dark coat. I was not cold, I could not try, but the trouble came from the soaked clothes was more than heard from my body. I shook a bit 'shoulders, irritated, and smiled to myself.
The white walls were almost covered by heavy rain, the leaves of some trees sticking out over them.
The portal on the wall purple, brought upon himself the lion rampant, for warning and implied threat. The
impassable. The Alcazar.
With a jump I moved away from dry land, leaving a small sign with the heels. In air drops Rain lashed me even more violently face; wakes in the middle of a lush garden.
impassable. Oh, sure. Risi
a broken heart, like every night, holding me to that childish joy that arose in the fly over the battlements of the walls, to pass unnoticed. In being different.
The guards were too busy complaining about the time to pay attention to a shadow and even if I had noticed, I would not be believed true.
Man has learned not to follow the shadows, unless they say they come to worship and honor.
are bad, a bad narrator of this and I apologize, but the excitement still runs through my veins and making me intractable. I
It has been nearly eight hundred years, yet the thrill of that paradise is still forbidden inside me, consuming me and destroys me, makes me feel alive and sends me on.
For a vampire I think the only way to become truly immortal, free from the madness, immune to time.
a memory. Clinging to it with anger animal and never leave. Never.
My name is Salim. Salim's all. The miserable have no name, nor need it. When I was a kid, my father, while separating the camels and closed them in a small enclosure, I said that in life you always end up inside a fence. People who have a last name can get out, others in there, do not need it.
Needless to say that I, the fence, there are only published after his death and very often I wonder if they really are able to overcome those cues.
shook my head and cursed me, I have not changed that much, since I was neither alive nor, over the years: my awful habit of thinking makes me moody, physically.
I forwarded the information in the path wide and clear-cut, flowers sprouting from the sides that give off a sweet scent that for a moment I was distracted from the real reason for which I had come from inside the fortress. They
. Their laughter. Their cries ecstatically. Their malice. Women.
The porch was dark, the wind had extinguished most of the torches, it was easy recognize the figure of Muhammad, the eunuch.
Small, bass and plump, had reached middle age. Completely shaved stood before the gates of the courtyard, sealed and secure. Place your hands crossed and I could see that trembled was probably not right at home with the temperature, which continued to decline. Riparai and I left the rain behind me, staring.
Some fools believe that the harem is just for women. Fools.
harems are for women, and for those who know how to bargain well.
Mohammed was an unfortunate actor, who had decided groped the boy through and through, mutilation, and trying to maintain its beautiful celestial voice.
Sogghignai and I approached him, put my hand on his shoulder and bent her head slightly.
"Peace be upon you," greeted him, bowing his head slightly.
He continued to stare at it carefully and looked at my hand, looked scared and defiant at the same time.
"And upon you peace, God's mercy and blessings" he said. I could swear that at that time did everything but wish me the love of Allah.
I looked intently into his eyes and that dark twisted nose.
"Come," ordered lapidary with high-pitched voice, opening the door of wood and bronze, finely worked, where the figures horses and women went to weave, "we have taken one more: the last time they did the stories, the Lord has noticed the absence of the girl," muttered, starting to walk a short dark corridor.
I laughed and I heard the echoes reverberate for a long time in that tiny space. I was completely in the dark to my home, but he, accustomed to the place, moved nimbly. Before I say any one thing had already started to undress, taking off his ill-cut black leather vest.
I took off my boots with a quick gesture and looked at him. There was lust in her eyes, as I undressed, envy-pass and a deep hope, I continued to feed, receiving in return the ability to access those places.
"When ... "He began, as every time. I sighed and shook his head, placing a finger on his forehead, having fun. "When I want I'll give you a paradise, Mohammed. When I want ... "
had been easy to decipher his wishes. He was furious over his fate, he hated his position and in every moment of his life did nothing other than desire with passion. I, the first time I saw him, I promised him, that 'other .
But there was the smell of death in his body, a disease that was devouring, and of which I never did speak. I had corrupted and this was enough. Allowed me to enter the harem and made sure that no one saw the bodies of dead women, said that the other take, what leads them to a new world, made up of respect and study.
I was their prince, their salvation.
Yet, every time I arrived there, I was always befouled with death and desire. I did nothing but enhance what I was afraid to meet that need.
you, the better that she hated.
I was still stupid enough to believe in quell'harem return, defying every law, for fun, but now I knew that the ecstasy of the first times he was gone, that had become so easy to access in that forbidden place that no longer produced the slightest emotion.
now naked, covered only by a veil of white linen, I entered the bathroom. Winter proceeded with slow steps, but in that environment because of the humidity was stifling. The white walls, glazed, and seemed to shine the torches along the top, thanks to a witty play of mirrors and glass slides, allowed an exceptional lighting. At the height of the head
flourishes with which they enriched the walls glowed, thanks to tiny flakes of stone inserted with mastery. The quiet chatter seemed to stop and I saw the bright eyes of all those women projected on me.
light skin, dark, black, intertwined with each other, in that mass of flesh and perfume. Wet hair will stick to their necks, some tangled curls, silk blonde than others. The apotheosis of the senses.
Each time, as always, I thought that the Lord of Seville was not a man so stupid, I was just smarter.
The smell of the oils which are massaged the bodies made me euphoric and I could not hide for long the excitement grew in me. Those breasts free, as they had been abandoned.
was now a month since I returned to that place, I preferred to wander aimlessly and get to Grenada. But I still remember the exact exhausting obsession that I eroded in those days, her belly, it brought to mind all the time, the way in which it came down to the pubic and there, there's paradise.
Mary, my Mary. The only woman who ever touched in quell'harem. The Christian-looking bleak, grim and dark, always in his corner of hell, silent.
gazed around him with contempt, scornfully hated, loved him with contempt. It stared at me, every time I went there I gave a look.
And he knew that I was the devil, who was not there to give nothing but death. He did not trust, nor would I approached and had it not been for his unfortunate condition, only in half a hundred infidels, would probably have had enough importance to be put all on guard.
glanced quickly to his body, partly hidden by the legs bent and made a tremendous effort to not fall in instinct, so leaving them out.
felt a stronger movement, the gentle roar of the water, while a girl just came out. He stared at me intensely, leaving the lips relax, freeing the white teeth shine.
The dark complexion seemed to become almost black around the nipples, inviting to the taste.
"Oh, Lamia 'smiles, as she was now beside me.
Let my eyes along its body, eat it with lust and love, while she continued to stand still. Last time I had left open and was now coming to claim his prize. I smiled to myself and leaned his lips on his collarbone, bowing his head slightly.
Without saying anything that neither took my hand and pulled me away to the outside patio. A long artificial lake opened before us, she walked around, avoiding that way the rain. The water lilies were violently beaten by the rain, that the petals bent to his will.
I touched a lock of his hair, which had fallen on his back, and I thought what could be his fragile bones, which were moving in walking, hidden by the thin veil of flesh.
"I thought it would no longer come," she whispered on my lips, pushing me into a wall. There was no one from the rain and even the noises of the house seemed to have ceased.
I heard her slide her hands on my neck, tighten slightly, and then descend on the chest.
He let the long hands touch my nipples and forced me to emit a slight moan.
But she was not wanted. I needed her, but not wanted. Which stimulated the pleasure in me there was nothing more than wretched body: simple and immediate.
She put her mouth under my chin, and came up to my lips, which he found already open, ready to receive his warm tongue. I sucked it to him, and felt the taste of his blood a little tease my palate had cut my teeth.
He drew back a moment and put her hand to her mouth, amazed. He looked at me and tried to stammer something. I laughed, taking a finger stained with blood and brought in his mouth.
"What you worry, Lamia? Not the blood nourishing the heart and then love? "The shot at me, and I felt that rush take the power back.
untied her hair, which fell to his sides until soft and slightly wider. I leaned in front of her, so that his back rested against the wall and whispered, "and then, Lamia, principles never do harm."
inhaled its pungent odor it had pleasure and nostrils. His dark hair seemed to mingle with the night and traced the outlines in its intimacy. A great triangle, divine perfection.
laughed and kissed her there, where the pleasure was condensed and ready to explode. She gave a little cry
, childish and I'm pleased. I drank from her and I would go back inside, who discovered my secret, I thought I would have kidnapped Maria, I would have taken away with me.
With or without his consent. That
Alcázar discovered to have a devil inside, he discovers that fed her daughters shamelessly. I would have taken away from Mary.
Insinuai the language and it took little to make me the essence of flooding, taken me for a while, then got up. His face was shocked
portrait of passion, moved away the hair that were attached to the face and licked off a small drop of sweat.
Salt, strong flavor that I still burning in the mouth. I kissed her again, getting her lips and whispered: "Have you a wonderful color," I sucked them to him a little, making them redder.
Then, as I felt his hands continue to fall on my body, I froze. I wanted to hear her panting, breathing her hot breath, savoring his humanity through the touch. I was now built and ready to own it, I caused you posasse on me, lifting it effortlessly, and stroked her legs, pausing only to shake the meat on the inside thigh. Forte. Up to hurt her. He groaned and looked at me with shining eyes. The pain he felt was pressed back into him, but his face spoke.
They were the signs of my fingertips, I left then scroll to the bottom and there too I felt the irresistible instinct to sink your fingers into the flesh. Sank too much and felt her bones break, and she cast a long and sharp scream.
I ignored him, as always ignore this sort of thing. They are objects, their bodies. None of you too sorry if you cry while calf to the slaughter. Sank his face in his neck, he ispirai fragrance and taken by an uncontrollable spasm sank his teeth.
I no longer believe in God for years, but if I had to imagine something beyond the dust to which our bodies are designed, the pictures as well.
ecstasy long life, time to pull it off. That hot jet
you invade her mouth, the crunch of brittle crack body to your touch, you scratch your hands in a vain attempt to break away. The
invincibility.
sank even more, perhaps exaggerating, and I felt the fangs hit his spine, now lay helpless, his head resting on my shoulder. The wound was so large that the blood flowed forth, down to stain my cloth lying on the ground.
I moved away, satisfied, and let the body fall to the ground. Her lips were white and dead bodies.
"Lamia ... Lamia ... 'I whispered to the dead body, pushing it dry with a kick. I smiled. For a moment I forgot Mary and the desire I had of her.
I wonder if Lucifer watching his brothers, they felt no envy and do not want to touch them. Here, I'm worrying Maria for that reason. I understood that it was the Christian that I had discovered, I banished from his thoughts and could not accept it.
I could not believe she could live without me, while I do not recall it doing that in every moment.
I turned and followed the red trail up into the bathtub. Lamia's body was lying there while the water lilies, moved from his fall, they returned to ricomporti beside her. They looked like sisters, and smiled for a moment.
'Devil ... "I heard someone whisper behind me, rubbing on the teeth, in a fit of rage.
Startled and looked, I moved forward, with hands outstretched, naked.
"Mary," I murmured, trying to ensure that the words were sweet and calm.
But his eyes were ice and arms tight to the body, covered by a red robe. He repeated that word, again and again, mixed with prayers and curses. I tried to brush her, but she dodged, tried to kiss her, but pushed me away, tried to bite her, but he invoked his God, and I drove.
Corse, in silence, and left me screaming in the rain.
I never knew why I followed him. Maybe he just wanted to prove herself to be right, maybe he wanted was the opposite. But never in my life, I felt so much anger and pain.
returned to Mohammed, who was waiting for me alert and my clothes without a word. I looked at him and found his eyes unbearably appealing. Without saying anything that killed him.
I was wrong. I have no more excuses.
not returned to the Alcazar for a long time, let the months pass and I decided to overtake Gibraltar. I forwarded the information to the desert and spent the nights in the sand, listening to the sound of grain moved by the small population of the subsurface.
not died, nor had it ever the intention. But I felt the need, just like the first time, to return, if only to see it.
I was a devil, and I knew, unfaithful alive, unfaithful dead. But I wanted to touch his angel wings, I wanted to try, at least for a while, the thrill of purity.
So I decided to return. I sailed to Seville as soon as possible and not even expected to spend the last hours of the night. Risked and walked to the fortress.
seemed as if its walls were raised, tripled, as built by its glare, and which were painted white with me cause discomfort to the eyes. In the east the sun was about to be born.
I jumped and I went into the garden. There was no satisfaction in my eyes, nor take pleasure in the gesture. I walked at speeds inhuman not to be seen. When I arrived
patio in the past all the doors, quickly, until I found her. A cross of straw, made to scarring, there was attacked. Touched with the hands and opened the door without effort, strength.
His breath. Fatigued.
Her loose hair, dark and spread on white sheets. And the pillows around her, and her skin, and his face and his hands and his legs.
I knelt by the bed, ignored by his sleeping companions, and stared as if hypnotized the neck of his foot. I kissed him, feeling the warmth on my lips touch the death and that he retract the limb. It shook itself, but that does not stop me from continuing. So
calves well defined, her legs smooth olive complexion, the soft, warm belly. The gently turned, putting it back, and again I stopped to stare.
would be sunrise, and would come there, to kiss that angel.
But I would have been his alone, if only he had forgotten my sins, if he had forgiven him. And I kissed her breasts, with uncontrollable desire, and neck. A tremor that shook me and forced me to detach myself completely, my panting joined his.
dreamed and had nightmares. I was not to observe it would be useless and painful. I touched her lips lightly, and waited for him to open her eyes. When he did not started, said nothing, nor moved.
I do not know what it is like to be visited by the devil, if fear, surprise, anger, fear. Maybe you do not notice anything, maybe you are happy, maybe you want to die. She did not feel anything, I think.
"Will you kill me? "Asked the little cross down in the hollow of her breasts when she arose.
"I could 'I said, softly, trying to touch the cheeks and soft.
"Would you do it? "He remarked. I was silent, without knowing how to respond.
"I'm not sure," said Finally, dropping the hand that was stretched to touch it. She stood there and looked at me, her long eyelashes occasionally banging, as if to give greater clarity to the large dark eyes.
lowered his head, staring at my knees, covered with tattered trousers. She stretched her hands on my hair and dirty blacks and untied the knot of the tie that kept them tied. They fell in front of my face, covering it in part. Not objected none of his actions.
"Mary, cleanse me, 'I whispered, in a prayer to be unfaithful.
She looked at me and cocked his head. The neck muscles tensed and I felt the unconditional movement of my tongue, that snapped, like a snake. I wanted it. He was sweating during sleep and the smell was pungent and appealing than ever.
"Purge" I repeated, "for the love of your God do it" I pleaded.
Jack back his hand and staring with fierce eyes whispered, "Are you a devil? "
" Yes, "I replied.
"Do you regret your actions, deaths caused by you? He asked, like a priestess of an old pagan temple, so beautiful, wrapped in colorful robes and transparent.
I hesitated for a moment, then answered that question too: "no."
She was surprised, but I took her hand and took it between his legs, he whispered, "Jesus broke the bread for Judah, I will break my well for you."
feel its warmth, the excitement grew, and meant that the penetration of a finger, leaving me to violate it. Slow, left me, whispering in my ear: " this is my body given up for you ... . I began to move the index, in a frenzy, while his groans not subdued prevented her from open my mouth with a nice move. He cut the vein with one of my fangs and blood began to drip on my tongue, moving fast, ready to capture everything.
" Take and drink from it all, this is the cup of my blood, shed for you and for the forgiveness of sins "
Ecstasy was terrible, unbearable. I would have had to get up and run, as Judas had done. I had to do. That blood I drew more than sustainable.
In the enclosure, if you are here to stay, you can not ever get out. Unless you find someone who has the keys. And she had, I just had to decide how to take them.
1 - Lessico e grammatica: a) correttezza verbale – b) punteggiatura.
L’equilibrata scelta lessicale da parte della fanwriter offre una lettura gradevole e sprovvista di spiacevoli contrasti narrativi. La storia denota un discreto lavoro di labor limae che si sposa perfettamente con l’elaboratezza della trama; questo connubio permette di sottolineare con impeto le parti narrative più intense, spannung incluso, e di ricalcare con affabilità quelle descrittive e dialogiche.
Per quanto concerne l’ambito grammaticale sono stati invece rilevati diversi errori:
- La presenza della ‘d’ after vowels not followed by words that start for themselves ("and through" "a shadow," "it" to a "fence", "to weave"; "and white" , "In the east," "and smell") and the absence of the 'd' after a vowel succeeded by a word beginning with that same (and went).
- Articles used improperly ("With a jump I moved away from dry land" - 'by earth 'would be more correct, since' the 'indicates a specific land and because' land 'is not marked with a capital letter and there is no doubt that he was referring to a specific quadrant of land, and more appropriate to an account of generic, "The portal on the wall purple, wore on seil rampant lion" - which lion?).
- Prepositions wrong ("I laughed a broken heart, like every night, holding me to that childish joy that arose in the fly over the battlements of the walls, the (in) go unnoticed. "" For a vampire, I think the only way to become truly immortal, free from the madness, away from (the) time. "
- wrong verb tense (" Let my eyes along the his body "- he left," I smiled to myself and the rest on the collarbone lips "- leaned (this is presumably a typo)," I laughed and kissed her there - I kissed her.) .
- Typos ("intoxication" in place of 'ecstasy' (x2); "scorrsi" instead of 'past').
- invented words ("hiss" - there 'hiss' in principle).
- Presence of incomplete sentences ("Those breasts free, as they were not ever." - Which in itself makes no sense because it lacks verbal predicate, "And the pillows around her claw, and his skin, and his face and his hands and his legs. "- the 'who' does not hold anything, the period is suspended.).
- Dialogues began with a lowercase letter ("'and then, Lamia, the principles never do evil ") (x4)
addition to these errors / oversights easily correctable, the fanwriter has one major problem: the punctuation. It is important to consider the signs as if they were interpunizione phases of respiration. Too many commas are in a too rapid breathing, too many points to an excess of expirations and a lack of oxygen, a few commas and a few points of inspiration overly long (and consequently to a collapse).
This story has too many commas: the sentences are broken up several times, we often miss the taste of a tumbler period running into well-written punctuation unnecessary, redundant. The presence
massive of these signs of interpunizione led to avoidable errors ("I was neither alive nor with the passing years" - from either ... or you do not ever put a comma, "He threw a little cry, childish "- comma between c.ogg and attributes). Other times it would be appropriate to use a colon ("Place your hands crossed and I could see who was shaking, (two points) probably was not really comfortable with the temperature (...)" "(... ) we have taken one more (two points) the last time they made the stories "), since it was stated as previously stated.
is recommended reading aloud their written, with lots of 'music theory' of punctuation.
Rating: 7.
2 - Proceedings of the vampires.
realistic Undoubtedly, the figure of the vampire seems to take its thickness and escape from history. In some narrative passages seem to be endowed with incredible individuality and appreciable pragmatism, accompanied by internal protagonist and narrator is largely descriptive scenes and situations of intense action. Without a
any physical description, the fanwriter can shape her figure only through his way of acting, thinking and talking. It is to be modeled in the course of the narrative, a vampire bad and imperfect. A vampire who knows of dirt, which has nothing to do with beauty, a charming vampire also, in some respects.
It differs from the ordinary canons gives the image of a vampire and this can be both positive and negative. Explanations more or less scattered in the text would certainly clarified the practical aspects related to the condition and / or the history of these supernatural creatures in fanfiction.
Rating: 8.
3 - Originality of plot.
must admit that the story is fairly original and unpredictable, it is expected that Salim took possession of Mary at the earliest opportunity and instead will be essential to wait until the end of fanfiction in which - unexpectedly - will be the woman to overcome the vampire.
basically based on a system of more than good characters, the story is not hard to stand out for their originality, also supported by twists and weaves narrative appreciable. Deserving
the final reference to the Bible and there is a deal with the former name referring to the fence.
Pleasant reading.
Rating: 8.25.
Total: 23.25/30.
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