[Fullmetal Alchemist] Behind a lie, a truth even more painful Title: behind a lie, a truth even more painful
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist Characters: Riza Hawkeye , Winry Rockbell
Pairing: Onsided? Riza / Winry
Prompt: falls on the snow, / crave heat and also the stars. (Haiku anonymous)
Rating: PG Party: 1 / 1
Warning: Onesided! Love that maybe is not so onesided, post series, shoujo-ai
Spoiler: none Word Count: 5780 (
Contaparole )
Summary: It was an evening like many others, a night when you should have fun as they had always done. Yet a setback will eventually make it clear to Winry something that until that when she had not grasped.
Notes: Written out of the race for the Advent Calendar
organized by
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michiru_kaiou7 Discaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist and its characters belong to Hiromu Arakawa and therefore I do not gain anything if not the taste to make them what they want * evil laugh *.
"I'm sorry I made you come so soon, Winry, but we had a little mishap today and I can not leave until everything is resolved. It will not take much, I assure you, would you mind waiting here until I will not be finished? "
Rockbell Winry turned for a moment to look at the long bench that Riza Hawkeye was pointing and then, with a smile on his lips, nodded vigorously and sat down, hoping to make his best and telling her not to worry about her. "I'll wait even all day if necessary."
She watched as the woman walked away, studying its stride, the tufts collected swinging in harmony with his every move, and then when Riza - after giving some orders to a pair officers who saw her coming, they were immediately snapped to attention - he disappeared behind a door Winry finally allowed himself to relax. He leaned his back against the bench and his head against the wall behind her and took a deep breath, bent his lips in a grin that was halfway between a smile of genuine happiness and a grimace of annoyance, almost pain.
not that sorry to be there waiting for her - after the endless and very uncomfortable train journey he had done and the long walk to reach the headquarters of East City would be nothing better than a little 'rest - or it was disturbed by fact that the other had
still work to do although it was quite late, just ... no, really, even she could say the exact things that make her feel uncomfortable and so, after the date of the mentally silly moved her head from side to side and ordered him to think of something more constructive. As the evening that awaited them, for example.
was nearly two years that their small
tradition going forward, since Riza and the rest had been reassigned to East City, and more time passed more Winry realized that if was not for her, it could continue even for the next thirty years. She felt very alone since Ed and Al had left for their studies and Lieutenant -
no, Lieutenant: was promoted to captain two weeks ago, Winry, I forgot you already are? - was kind enough to offer his company and his support whenever I needed it, at first it was treated more like a relationship
phone, but at some point - the year before Feb. 14 - Riza had proposed to visit her during her day off, to spend the day shopping or simply eating together doing something together, and since then at least once a month, Winry forgot his auto-mail adoratissimi
and no regrets taking the train to visit her.
The girl's smile widened even more, remembering the many times they had spent together, the countless times that the other woman had been patiently listening to while she was complaining the fact that Ed and Al do not phone and she never spent days wondering if the real hell his two childhood friends were not dead somewhere, and while these thoughts crossed her head - making her feel a little 'guilty, given Riza that do not hardly ever spoke or what he was doing nor of its problems, if they had had - his chest seemed to swell with a joy which she could not explain the source.
Throughout his life he had always found myself having to deal with
males and the rest, for the work he did, there was not to be wondered at, and they were really very few girls with whom he was dealing : Yes, there was Paninya at Rush Valley, which some times she visited or telephoned her from time to time, and Mei Xing - even if their conversations were mostly guided by on Al, what he was doing and its progress in dell'Alchestry - but none of them two, that all things were his only friends, it could be said to have a relationship similar to what he had with Riza. There was something different about her, something that made her feel at ease and protected as no one had been able to do until then. Besides his parents, of course, but it was not a filial affection that bound her to the other woman was ... was something like ... Simply something that could not explain. He threw
outside air from the nose, inhaling and exhaling deeply, and after throwing a quick glance at the clock - who revealed that the two had separated had passed just over five minutes, five minutes that she had seemed to last almost a 'eternity - laced his fingers and rested his hands on his thighs slim, starting to look around. There was a strange vitality in the people around her and that he passed almost running, as if all those men and women could not help but feel the air of celebration that blew undisturbed outside those windows, as if they felt compelled to do something to demonstrate that even they were celebrating. Of course they could not
do so blatant, they were still soldiers, and if there was one thing that Winry had learned, the military, was that until they had been wearing their uniform would never be allowed to behave like normal people. And Lieutenant - Captain
, Winry, Captain! - Riza Hawkeye was not certain distinction, indeed, one could easily say that she was the one who took more than all that command to the letter.
Winry did not believe, when Ed told her about what Riza, the workplace, was
earnest - the boy really had used that word, but by him as he spoke it was clear that there could be a better term appropriate - given that when he was with her was always full of smiles, joking and having fun, but since he had seen her once at work, within the walls of the headquarters, she opened her mouth in surprise and had painted on the face expression so upset that more than one military had stopped next to her to ask if everything was all right because, they told her just like that, it seemed that he had just seen a ghost. Ok, maybe not a ghost, but it certainly was something that had given her to think, in the days and months that followed, and if the feeling he had felt at first was just amazing, over time had become something completely different, something that made her swell breast satisfaction every time you stopped to think about it.
was clear as day that Riza
not behaved well with everyone, because every time I had occasion to talk to someone than they had fun together - and usually patients listeners were Ed and Al, that's all
those you knew how we get along! If you only knew how nice! or
You know what I got for my birthday? really beginning to get enough - he always felt that they could not imagine saying Lt. behave in a way like that. It was really nice to hear it, perhaps more than any thing that made her happy, made her feel important special
.
He folded his lips in a satisfied smile, recalling the last conversation had with Ed, for almost a month before, and after giving a quick glance at the clock - this time it had gone fifteen minutes - it was said that, going forward so, would eventually ask Riza to host for the night, as he always did when they ended up losing track of time between a business and another.
will be fun, you said, tapping the tips of your shoes against each other.
'll stay up late to talk about a lot of nonsense and then end up falling asleep one above another. With our feet on the pillow, maybe, and covered on the ground! began to giggle, trying to keep her lips tight against each other, but just at that moment a group of women in uniform, intent on talking out loud without worrying that someone might hear them, caught his attention. He could not help but look at them, being interested in what they were saying and the reason that made them so excited, but as the words slipped away from the group and went into his ears as his smile faded away, dying slowly melted like snow the sun.
"Believe me, I know Captain Hawkeye for many years, she is like an open book, for me," he was saying one of them, a girl with beautiful hair blacks and collected a long curly tail. "I bet what you want sooner or later it is announced that she and the General Mustang have finally decided to get married, I guarantee I ..."
Someone said, giggling and clapping their hands against each other, probably, but Winry, although held his gaze fixed on the backs that were becoming smaller gradually the little group walked away, he could no longer hear a single word of what they were saying, as we sometimes fail hear the noise caused by walking all the people who ran the front passed, it was as if suddenly she had become deaf, able only to hear an echo indistinct, the sound of words that slammed violently from side to side of his brain and maybe even further down, where it was painful.
Riza. Marry. Get married, get married, move ... Every time that word - married
- Winry was repeated in his head felt as if a small part of it was siphoned off by the echo that was left behind, as if, one after the other, blades of ice stick into his heart in his stomach, in her eyes, even make them impossible to beat even the eyebrows, so it hurt. He felt a floating sensation that he had never tried before, something that could be compared the pain he felt when a couple of heartless soldiers were presented in front of their home, pretending to understand the extent of their loss, had informed her and Pinaki grandmother that his parents had been killed. Similar, yes, but at the same time completely different.
swallowed, running a hand through his hair, and then, after having been able to blink once, twice, five times, stood up, abruptly, as if the bench on which she was sitting comfortably until then ' moment had suddenly started to burn, and without saying a word - an expression on his face was painted apathetic, devoid of emotions, which hid a riot that she would never able to describe in words - walked down the aisle, slowly. His head, at that time, was a prey to the greatest confusion, and there was only one thing that Winry knew for sure: he had to go, and also in a hurry, and had to keep walking, trying not
to sort out his thoughts, he had to get on the first train that was reported to Rosembool, had to return home and only when he arrived in his room only when it is thrown on his bed and had hidden his face in the pillows, then he could try to understand.
breathed deeply, and had agreed not to think and not feel anything, but just as he was about to turn the corner, get off the stairs, and dive back in the cold winter, heard someone calling his name, twice, maybe three, and although it was quite possible to pretend not to hear, even though nothing prevented it from extending up and run away - so quickly that no one could ever reach it - he stopped, his feet close to each other, arms outstretched at his sides and his head thrown forward, so that the blonde bangs hiding her face.
Now yes, he had begun to feel, and in his ears the sound of footsteps made by the second closer to her echoed like a rifle shot as his name, spoken aloud, in a tone almost alarmed, it seemed to be the cure all their ills. Suddenly she turned, lifting her face just to see the woman who, at a brisk pace, is very close, and when his eyes met those of brown Riza - who wore the uniform on a long dark coat - Winry smiled, not knowing even where tick, the desire to do so.
"Sorry if I kept you waiting," said Riza, pulled with a smile as he settled back to the bag on his shoulder. "But it took longer than expected. We were already tired of waiting? "He sketched a half laugh, alluding to the fact that Winry had the air of someone who was running away from some kind of monster, and the little girl she felt her cheeks go up in flames, like a child who was discovered in the act of combining a prank.
"Ce .. Of course not, "he said then, still red in the face, back and watched the other woman in the face. "I was just, you know ... I was just looking for the bathroom. "He felt stupid, pouring out in such a sorry, stupid and immature, but Riza did not seem to notice. "Look there's one over there," he said, pointing with his arm outstretched towards the bench that she had just left, but Winry shook her head from side to side, and with a gesture tutt ' Another fluid that, stuck his arm under that of the woman, dragging her toward the stairs. "Never mind, I resist. But now let's go or we'll end up finding all the shops closed, "Riza
stammered something like
If you say so ... and then, without saying a word and slammed his eyes confused, let himself be pulled by the girl, sent, was walking front.
The main street in East City that night was a feast for the eyes. All winter evening, it was because during that season, the merchants felt obliged to keep open their shops a bit 'more than normal time, and felt the need to decorate their windows with colored lights and sparkling, as if doing so would be certain to convince potential customers to turn dalla loro parte, ad avvicinarsi. Sembrava il loro modo per gridare all'oscurità della sera che loro potevano resisterle, che nonostante tutto erano capaci di farsi vedere anche se lei avrebbe tanto desiderato nascondere tutto e tutti sotto il suo manto scuro.
Riza aveva sempre amato tutta la vitalità che la gente sapeva dimostrare duranti quelle sere così fredde, ne era attratta, si sentiva in grado di farne parte completamente finendo per dimenticare – anche solo per poco, anche solo per un'ora – tutti i suoi problemi, ma, quella sera in particolare, c'era qualcosa che le impediva di sentire l'euforia, qualcosa che tappava la sua unica speranza di staccare la spina e di non pensare a niente e a nessuno che non fosse un po' frivolous but fun. And while, shaking her head from side to side, he reflected on what his strange mood turned to look at the girl who was walking beside him.
There was something odd about her suspicions, because although she smiled as he always did, and despite talking, moving, and proves to be involved as always, Riza could not help but think that, whenever by accident crossed eyes, into that of Winry to apply a light melancholy and sad that pushed to laugh more and be more happy, as if to pretend it was not really anything happened. And she might very well give her rope, if that's what the girl wanted - she had never liked to meddle in the affairs of others unless they have explicitly asked the advice - and yet, when it was Winry
they were talking, all the rules that over the years had self-imposed and that he had always followed to the letter went to hell and she found herself to act without guidance, like a car skidding that had finally gained control of herself but had not the faintest idea where he was going.
"Winry, okay?"
The girl turned toward her, eyes wide open, and for a while Riza was certain that he saw fear in his eyes. But it was only a matter of seconds just because Winry smiled at her, nodding a few times. "Very well," he said - and seemed to really understand it
- and then spun around and giving it away with a little cry excitedly, pointing to a window with the same hand that was holding some bags. "The sale of spare parts for auto-mail," he said. "It will not be Rush Valley, but maybe I can find something good. Do you mind if we do look fast, fast? "
" No, but ... "Riza did not even have time to finish the sentence that the girl had already run away, where she, with its concern and its strange sensations, could not reach it. He stood there, then, right in the middle of the street, motionless and eyes fixed on the back of Winry, for some bolt, it seemed as excited as any other girl her age would have done if he had found not only in front of a diamond ring but also a pretty boy in love - or wish to receive something in return - that would prove to be very happy to please her.
sighed, shaking his head from side to side. No, it was not fair to compare it to other
girls, because it would be really unfair: Winry was not one of many, she was a person who from an early age had proved able to assert itself, despite being someone who overwhelmed by life, however, had found the strength to rise up and pursue their dreams without ever having to look back and disgust at what he had done. He was strong, strong as Riza would never have dreamed of being, and for that reason - and maybe something else, a desire for security that went beyond the duty or the affection that we can try for a girl especially worthy - she felt a cold grip of the stomach at the thought that there might be something that will make her suffer like that.
that it was still due to the fact that neither Al nor Ed deigned to call her one more time to let her know what was going on?
No, you said, crossing his arms to his chest.
If it had been this would have told me, as always ... We put it all to think about what she could make her sad to the point where not even let her vent, but more trying to understand, the more he realized that the solution was too far for her to reach her. The solution was stuck to the window of a shop auto-mail, hidden deep in the excited look of a girl who has finally laid eyes on what he loves most of all.
Riza sighed again, determined, and when Winry thought that perhaps he was not there just to gaze at the window, but he did well to stay as far away from her crossed her mind, she put one foot before the other and mechanically, without thinking, walked toward the girl, faster and faster, until it reached her.
"Winry." He called his name softly, without giving a particular tone to his voice, and the girl, after a few moments of hesitation, she turned, her lips bent in a smile so fragile that once loomed over the 'woman's serious expression broke, leaving in place only a form of depression that, now, would no longer be able to send away. Winry opened his mouth to speak, say, once again,
I'm fine, really! but her voice died in his throat so he could do nothing that tightening the lips against each other, and when her cheeks turn red bowed his head in defeat.
What could he do now that not even his eyes were on his side? He clenched his fists around the handles of the bags - so tightly her knuckles whiten from being hidden by the colored gloves - and remained there in that position, waiting for the inevitable you Knock down on her mercilessly. Because I knew that would not be able to lie and whether Riza had asked to tell what the problem was gliel'avrebbe she said she would die of embarrassment, perhaps, or before that happened it would certainly run away, far enough away to pretend that was not successful nothing but the facts would not be changed. He swallowed empty, waiting, and the dreaded question was not long to wait.
"And before you act so strange. I want to say what's wrong? "
He had spoken slowly, accompanied by a sigh, and Winry seemed that the earth had opened beneath his feet. It was stupid, what was wrong, a conversation heard by accident, and even if you succeed was trying hard to find an excuse, even a small, in order to delay another minute, yet the conversation - to find something 'more to say - the answer to that question was so clear in his head, that seemed to her that she was
not be able to stay longer locked in her mind, and that at some point he started to push and push again until they forced her to open her lips, the little that was enough for her to crawl finally out, giving voice and steam so cold that night. "I knew that, soon, you and General Mustang announce your marriage."
Winry And as soon as uttered that phrase - quietly, of course, but not so low as to give Riza a doubt that perhaps he had misunderstood - among them fell silent and almost a full minute neither of them spoke: one because it was too prostrate and humiliated and the other because not only could not believe what had just heard, but also because he had not the faintest idea of how you would have to include in such a situation, what he had to say.
The women quickly slammed the eyelids and then, when his reasoning did not give her the answer she needed, opted for the only solution that remained, relying on instinct, and even though he knew that it was not nice at all, or respect, what he was doing, he could not help but burst out laughing. A laugh is open, liberating, almost, so strong that even a few passers turned in their direction, wondering what had happened, so funny, desirous also made them to be part of all this hilarity to get a good laugh, and Winry's head snapped upward, toward the open smile of Riza and his eyes closed, so as not to miss even one tear for the too funny, and redness that until then had colored her cheeks explodes, igniting even the ears.
"What ... What's so funny? "churches, including the injured and angry, and only then Riza stopped laughing and looked into her face, inspiring deeply through your nose. "Excuse me, please," he said, trying to stifle the last glimmers of laughter, "it's just that what you said is so, so ...
absurd that I could not help it, really. I'm sorry. "Winry
swallowed, shrugging his shoulders.
But, then, that means ...? "So ... so it is not true that you are getting married ... "
" Of course I'm not getting married, "reassured her, showing a serious smile. "I do not understand how you both could come to such an idea."
"It occurred to me
," she defended herself, straightening up suddenly. "I told you I ... I have heard ... "
" And who, sorry, by General Mustang? Because he would be able to go around making jokes like that, only the pure taste of me angry ... "
" Not him, "interrupted Winry, starting to rub her foot on the pavement, and feeling every second more and more stupid. "I was telling a woman before, in the hallway, her ... She said she knew well, always known you
and said he was very sure that soon you ... "her voice died in his throat and the girl, at the limit of endurance, lowered his head again, and humiliated as had never felt before. How could he blame for such nonsense? That's nonsense, moreover, was not even true
?
"Excuse me," he murmured, with the tiny voice, and Riza shook his head from side to side before placing a hand on his head. "You do not have some excuse, Winry," he said, starting to stroke her hair up. "Only I can not understand how could you believe such a thing ..." There was more laughter in his voice, even if the woman could hide almost perfectly, and Winry lowered his head even more, starting staring at the tips of his shoes almost without seeing them.
The last sentence was pronounced Riza still rang in his head - with a tone of mockery that she would never, ever used - and Winry opened and closed his eyes several times, trying to do in order his thoughts. Of course, in retrospect, was really stupid to behave in that way, no reason to take offense at something he had only heard in passing and said, probably by someone who was only joking or a bit of gossip 'and yet, at the time, had not even passed through the antechamber of the brain that perhaps it was pulling its conclusions too soon. She had not the slightest doubt that what that woman said was the truth, and upon reflection he realized that the only reason that had led him to believe it was the fact that a part of her, died from the fear that sooner or later , a thing, would happen for real.
He clenched his teeth and clenched his jaw when the thought struck, and suddenly it seemed that the hand of Riza, on his head, had suddenly become heavy, unbearable, so turned away abruptly, taking a step back. He still had his head down, as if in penance, and Riza sighed again, twisting his arms to his chest.
There was something really strange on her that day, and after having touched a lock of hair that fell over his eyes put his hand on his shoulder, only for a moment, to attract his attention. "I did not laugh at you," he said, and since he had not the faintest idea what the real
reason - because Winry could not have All told, it was not possible if the outlet was only a rumor, it was not by her - sad that so much, he tried to investigate more, deeper, get her to talk and talk until it is not all that bad mood was gone, until he returned the smile on his lips. "Pardon me?"
The girl nodded a few times without saying anything or raise his head, and Riza when asked why she did not look uncomfortable swallowed, looking up what little was enough to see the 'other woman in the face.
has a really beautiful face, thought, for no reason in particular, and then took off a lock of hair from her face, putting their behind the ear, and breathed deeply the cold air that surrounded that inhaling even a little bit of perfume before, in a shop, an order was sprayed on the coat of Riza. Was not good, that scent, its nature was a thousand times better, he said, twisting his nose, and after being reprimanded for doing mental thoughts so stupid in such a moment, he raised his head and even more opened lips. Still did not know what he would say, but, of course, knew that after that he would - and this time for real - all of them, would change.
"I felt betrayed, here," he began, uncomfortable, and raised an eyebrow when Riza, she turned away a second look, then resumes talking. "The fact is that ... the fact is that the woman seemed so
sure what he was saying, almost as if he had heard from your own lips, and I, here, I thought it was not fair that she knew things about you that I do not know, I mean, I thought we were friends ... "
And then stopped, suddenly.
friends, friends ... we're friends, right? He passed his tongue on the palate, crawling on the bone hard like he was desperately trying to clean it by something, by a bitter taste and bad that there was leaning in his mouth at the exact moment when he had uttered that word.
Amiche . It had such a thing ever happened before that moment, the more we thought - more than three syllables are repeated in his mind - most of them had the impression that the bitterness that almost choked the throat increases, more and more , which continues to increase each time, imagining the two of them together, he realized that between them, there was and there was never anything else.
"Of course we're friends, Winry ..."
No, no, no! Do not tell yourself, please, no! The would have cried if he could, he would put his hands over his ears not to hear, but the truth, the one from which no human can escape, it was clear hours, so evident from her burning eyes to fill with tears.
were friends. It would never be anything more. would not cry - even if he was so struck that would have given anything to have the opportunity to vent, even if only for five, screaming and hitting with all the strength in his body everything that had happened to the shot - and so sniffed and stretched her lips as best she could smile, nodding a few times.
"That was what worried you? Winry, whatever happens, we will always be friends, you know, right? "
course he knew, now he knew it. He knew that their relationship would never changed, she knew that time would not have scratched so that bond that united
comfortable, but he knew better, was that sooner or later the rumor with no foundation that he had heard in the corridor would become reality, perhaps it would not be Mustang, maybe was not even someone she knew, but sooner or later that place in the heart of Riza that she had never noticed - never, until such time as if the visa is wrong to take away - with her whole being to desire itself would become someone else's
Winry and there would be until the end of the story. It would have been the friend with whom vent, one to which tell him, that ever-present, would have been her friend who knows when silence is the time to rise back to, the one to call when he
there would have been. And he knew that not even their
tradition would die: they would continue to look for one or two times a month, they would have fun together, women, and when it did it would be too late Riza would still invited to stop by her -
from their - and yet they would talk about nonsense, then ending up falling asleep on each other in the bed where the night before, the one before that and every night that should have come, Riza and someone that you have not could not even imagine the face they made love.
Winry breathed again the air cold of the night and, with a smile that this time it would go away, she realized that she would not ever have to do. Has never been so strong and so could never, after throwing a quick glance around, he studied men and women, lazily, went before them and then quickly slip away as if they were ghosts, looked again the other woman in the face, crossing his arms behind his back.
"I acted like a fool," he said, shrugging. "But I told you, we are upset at the thought that I had told you and Mr. Mustang ... I know, I know that there is nothing between you, "he hastened to add, with a chuckle, "it's just that you never talk to me of what you feel and the way I thought you were taking for you, here ... So now let us make a promise: When you find a man to marry each other we will say now, okay? "
Winry was happy at that moment - or at least it seemed - and Riza slammed a few times his eyes, as quiet as a statue of ice. Looked at each other for several seconds without saying a word and then woman, sighing and letting the steam is dispersed over his head, looked straight in the eye with an expression on his face so serious that if we had put the girl a bit 'more attention, in looking at it, might even describe it
as sad.
"will not happen," he said, simply, and Winry seemed to be transfixed by a cold stab. "Just because now you do not have in mind this does not mean it will not happen, right?"
"It will never happen and that's it, Winry," and so saying, reached out to her, stroking her hair, and for a moment only one, the girl had the impression that that touch - those words that never
said as if it mattered - had the power to get you in and, with unimaginable force and a light, heating and give new life to the tiny flame of hope still shining in his heart.
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